Ricky Gervais

Ricky Gervais is hilarious. This is him at the Emmys speaking truth




His new movie
The Invention of Lying
Comes out Sept 25.
Starring :Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Jonah Hill, Tina Fey, Patrick Stewart

RIP TED KENNEDY AND SUMMER. today is a sad day.

Sad news: Ted Kennedy died tonight. RIP.


Here is a quick summary of what my first day of college classes were like. Excuse the spelling errors... I typed it up really fast for a Facebook message.



*******************
here's the full detail of my first day if you care to hear it: started with waking up and finishing the rest of my Ethiopian blend from smokey row, in which i realized that the packaging we have is ugly. Chip and I then attempted to go on a run, we ran 2.3 miles and i began to realize im fat and need to stop before i die. so we stopped and went back to our apt. I showered and went to Social Psych where a lot of my friends ended up being in. This means i can cheat in that class. cool. The kid in front of me was tryign to hit on the girl sitting to his left. he was failing. i lol'ed underneath my breath

Then i went to math where i almost fell asleep. a lot. i sat next to a cute freshmen girl named nikki who told me about how she loves lake red rock. She seemed pretty cool, but her backpack was ugly so i wasnt digging it. I tried to zone her out while dozing off. Then i went to Acting 240 where we acting. That was cool and the teacher reminded me of jim carrey mixed with Cameron Vanberkum. This caused me to daydream most of the period.

Then me and my friends Kate and Molly went to walmart and bought boards and paint to spaltter paint and make art pictures. that ended my frist day of classes. I then had the opportunity to talk to the 2 most beautiful girls in the entire world on facebook after playing basketball all night. Then i realized the insane amount of love i have for them.

The End.

OMGZ. SO CUTE. $$$$

The only thing cuter than this...



was Emma Watson on the Tonight Show



third place went to this good looking sprinter! WAIT.. IS THAT ME?! Oh the glory of high school track. Those were the days I tell you. I was skinny back then. Now I'm just fat.... but like.... a sexy and huge muscle fat. If you don't believe me then, cool.

TYLER MASON AND THE SHOT HEARD AROUND MASON CITY

http://www.globegazette.com/articles/2009/06/29/sports/preps/doc4a4848657bdef097526680.txt




DOES ANYONE ELSE REMEMBER HOW FREAKING AWESOME TYLER MASON WAS WHEN HE LIVED IN PELLA? I do. I know what you're thinking "isnt that the kid who stole Doby the house elf from the library and Mrs. Ballenger beat him to a pulp with her belt and proceeded to high five Mrs. Wogan with great fury?"

The answer is yes. But Tyler is also famous for saving the Mason City Baseball Program. See you in the majors kid.

Here's the link to the Mason City Globe Gazette paper that featured his story.
http://www.globegazette.com/articles/2009/06/29/sports/preps/doc4a4848657bdef097526680.txt

i'll start with the man in the mirror

I love this king of pop. i'm going to pay tribute to him for the next year and a half. dont bother trying to make me stop. goodnight king. i'll see you when were both cats.

p.s. here's some shocking updates: apparently MJ died of an overdose of morphine which caused cardiac arrest. He receives a "daily" intake of morphine daily and the doctor that administered it gave him "too much" which had caused the overdose to lead to cardiac arrest. Shitty. The doctor is now on the run. He better keep running before i thriller his shit.

I GUESS EVERYONE HAS A CHANCE.

You never know who a girl will dig. This is Anna Ferris with her new husband on their honeymoon in Hawaii. I mean, by no means am I like Justin Timberlake in the sexy scale, but if this dude has a chance at the super cute and super funny Anna Ferris, then I have a chance at anyone. Watch out Zoey Deschanel, Emma Watson, and all the other girls I want to date... I'm coming in hott!

Zach Galifianakis is taking over the world

I woke up at 2 PM today, nothing unusual about that though. It's been really hot lately and the humidity makes me feel like my skin is melting. Whoever built my house is a total douche waffle because he put my ceiling fan in backwards. It spins so that all the air is blown towards the roof of my house. What a crappy investment. He probably did it on purpose. He's probably also a pedophile.

With the success of The Hangover, it looks like HBO nabbed Galifianakis right on time. Jason Schwartzman and Galifianakis star in a new HBO original series about an alcoholic writer (Schwartzman) who moonlights as a private detective and his comic book writer friend (Galifianakis)serves as a supporting main character. The new show is called BORED TO DEATH and is expected to premiere in the new HBO original series season.

Jason Schwartzman and Zach Galifiankis rule. Those two, Jonah Hill, Lebron James, Megan Fox, and Re Runs of Thats So Raven will rule the world someday.

The new HBO series will be amazing and it's going to be one of those treasures that hundreds of kids own in a box set form and pretend that they're the only ones who watch it, making them cooler than the cool. I promise that this show will be more hilarious than a frat kid falling on ice.

THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT

Finally got a chance to peep Sam Raimi's new movie DRAG ME TO HELL this past weekend. Sheer amazing. It's to die for. Literally. OMGOMG LOL.

You really should go check it out, even you kids who live in Pella (yes, that means you, you overly conservative jabronis). If you don't know, Raimi is the genius behind the EVIL DEAD series and SPIDERMAN series. After a few flukes underneath his belt, including Spider-Man 3, all I can say is... welcome back to the top Sam Raimi. Now I know this might come to a surprise, but DRAG ME TO HELL is intended to be campy COMEDY horror. The film manages to scare the complete shit out of you enforcing you to scream like 7 year old girl getting shoved off a merry-go-round by a 12 year old bully listening to Limp Bizkit Rollin' (it really will, trust me) while being able to make you laugh like you just saw a kid slip on the ice while stepping off a bus. It's really that great. Here's the full reviews if you dont believe me...

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/drag_me_to_hell/?name_order=asc

Mind you, however, you HAVE to see it in theaters. The movie's scare and laugh effects rely heavily on the sound effects and audience reaction. Trust me on this one, kids... it'll be the best 10 bones you've spent in awhile. Or just see Up, that's good too!

I'm also calling that THE HANGOVER will be super duper HILARIOUS.




Anyway... I saw a kid at the mall who kinda of looked like this...


I wanted to poop my pants and run into a tree. That's how awkward I felt walking behind him... yeah.

I also want to say this: The MTV movie awards suck. It's worthless and Will Ferrell is the only one who understands how much of a joke it is. How do I know this? He didn't waste time by dressing up and instead showed up wearing a Puma track jacket and jeans. A Ha! Finally a celebrity that's realized the MTV awards is just as trashy as most of the Andy Samberg jokes. I mean don't get me wrong, Andy Samberg is a great guy and pretty funny, but this show was just horrid. They should have gotten Chris Brown to host. He's the man... and let's be honest... he's more of a man than all of us! He does the things that us men wish we can do but know we cant! Like, dance.. sing.. fight girls... make money! I kid. I kid. I love girls and respect them. They are better than man.

More later.

Bitches ain't shit, but women ain't bitches.
See, women are the queens, and bitches just bitches,
Andrew

AYO TECHNOLOGY

Remember when you had a boyfriend/girlfriend and you would talk on the phone to flirt with each other? You know, talking on that big ass O.G. lookin' brick Nokia phone which was fully equipped with 2 bit Snake, b.k.a., the best cell phone game ever. Those were the days shorty.

It's pretty crazy to think that texting is the ultimate form of flirtation now. I just finished reading a guide to "successful flirt texting" and needless to say, I think I'm getting pretty damn boss at flexting.

(((side note utilized to give the definition of FLEXTING- FLEXTING= Andrew Lopez's mad skillz at pickin up dimes and bitches from his sexual texting style mixed with the images of Andrew Lopez flexing his muscels until Donatello from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles appears to look like the same size of Cory from Boy Meets World, pre high school years.)))



Okay, I'm actually not that good at flexting. Or maybe I am? Ladies I need feedback.

Anyway, Justin Timberlake is fucked because some girl is suing him for sexual harassment. According to her statement, she was a former manager of his restaurant called "Second Ave." in New York City. She claims that Timberlake's business partners were cruel and disgusting. They would treat her like scum and even locked her in the room and forced her to watch pornographic materials! She then claims that after she started to cry from the incident, Timberlake's business partners (fellow managers of the bar) laughed in her face. OMG.

Man, that's some fucked up shit yo! My advice for JT (if he loses the lawsuit): MAKE A SPIN OFF PORNO BASED ON THE INCIDENT ENTITLED "IM BRINGIN' SEXCOND AVAGNEW BACK"! THE PLOT WILL BE ABOUT A MANAGER WHO GETS LOCKED IN A ROOM, FORCED TO WATCH PORN, CRIES, THEN BANGS NSYNC.



dolla dolla bill yall,
a-lo

Day 3 spent in the library/ LINDSAY LOHAN LOOKS LIKE GOLLUM

So this is where all the cute girls in LAmes go. I can't believe that for eight months they were migrating to the library. THE FUCKING LIBRARY. It should be perfect scoping season too... it should be sundresses and reading glasses with their hair all tied back/straight.

Damn you Iowa and your fucked up weather.

Do you think this pick up line will work on the girls here? "HEY, I SEE YOU'RE STUDYING. I AM TOO. WANNA DO IT?!"

It's 11:45 and the library closes at 12:00 A.M. They play this alarm clock Lunesta commercial sounding warning over the loudspeakers announcing that they close in fifteen minutes. What is this world coming to?

Swine Flu is getting worse. It turned out it wasn't Obama, the Devil, or the Mayan calender that was trying to kill off humanity. It was bacon. BACON. WTF.

Summer is approaching. KEWL.

I just copped Kanye West's new mixtape: LV's & AUTOTUNE 2. Its good. Here's the link: http://sharebee.com/b7f3b3ab


SHE LOOKS LIKE GOLLUM lololololololololololololol

Drum Machines and Boobs

http://www.ronwinter.tv/drums.html

Go to that. It really will change your life. Forget about ever doing homework again.

This was my meal schedule for the day:
4:00 p.m. WAKE UP
4:30 p.m. GO TO MC DONALDS WITH THE DUDE BROS AND GUY MANS
6:00 p.m. LEAVE MC D'S WITH THOSE DUDE BROS TO ARRIVE BACK AT THE DORM
7:00 p.m. LEAVE THE DORMS TO PIZZA RANCH AND EAT A BUFFET
7:32 p.m. REALIZE IM A FAT/PHAT PIECE OF SHIT AND WTF AM I DOING?
8:00 p.m. BRONCO PIZZA IS FUCKING DELICIOUS

yup.

When we were sitting around at Pizza Ranch... I was thinking about stuff and how kids at Iowa State can just do what they love and my education is flawed and boring. Here's the example... you got a person who can just sit around and fucking draw for their homework. You know... sit there and do fucking what they would have done if school wasn't even in session. Me on the hand... is reading about elasticities and econ math problems. 2 words... fuck that. Why can't I go to school for my own fortes? For instance... what if I could go to school and poop and lick boobies? That would be cool.

I Love You Man rules.
I want to marry the girl at the top of the post.

BORED?ITHINKSO,
ANDREW